They keep us laughing!

R: Can I borrow this flyswatter?
Me: Sure... why?
R: I need to make a catapult.

Me, struggling to get information about the first week of school: Who did you play with at recess?

R: I don't remember.

Me: Did you write your name?

R: No.

Me: Did they have announcements on the big screen?

R: I don't think so... but I am VERY curious...

Me: Yes??

R: If there is only one God, how can he be in so many hearts??

R: Mommy, I LOVE your ideas, but I'm afraid you don't have one this time.

R: Can you pick me up late tomorrow?

K: Maybe, why?

R: My friend said I make playing outside more fun and you know what? He's right. I DO make it more fun!

R: There are no more boogers in my nose. The factory is closed.

Me: Can you please wash the strawberry juice off your chin?

R: No thanks, I look like a man with it.

R: Our Bible story today at church was very interesting! 

Me: Why do you think that is?

R: Probably because I paid more attention today than I did last week.

R: I know this story! Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the tree and then they were arrested.

R: God loves everybody, but I think he loves monster truck drivers the most.

While playing Pictionary, R drew the word "Jeep," so I whispered to him the word.

R, eyes wide: So I just draw something about that?

Me: Just draw the word I told you.

R: Ok... [proceeds to draw a bunch of squares]

K: Is that a stack of boxes??

R: YES!

Me: How is that a Jeep??

R: Jeep? I thought you said CHEAP!! So I drew something inexpensive-- a stack of boxes.

Me: It's time to put more waters in the fridge.

R: Actually, my boss said I was fired from that job.

Me: Well, I'm really your boss and I say you're rehired.

R: Fine, but I'm going to need some money. That's how jobs work.

One morning I woke up and went into the living room, where I found R, alone, watching the news.

Me: Um, good morning...

R: It's going to be 95 degrees today and there are 100 miles of fire burning in California.

D: I'll see y'all at church. Do I look ok?

R: Oh yeah, Daddy, they'll love you!!!

R: Mommy, when you tuck me in, would you like me to tell you why I've been acting bad lately?

Me: Yes, please! I'm glad to know you have a reason.

R [sweetly has me arrange his blankets just right, then takes a deep breath]: Now, the reason I've been bad is because every time I try to talk, I get interrupted. I just get madder and madder and madder! (gently) Could you please stop doing that?

K: I don't trust clocks. I just don't.

Me: Hmm, I don't remember.

R: You mean your hippocampus forgot.

R: Going to Heaven after we die... that's just weird advice.

After being quarantined for 10 days and having way too much screen time, R saw the word "next" in a book and exclaimed, "Hey! All those letters are in Netflix!"

They keep us laughing!

Me: You sure are laughing a lot tonight!

R: I ate a clown today.

Me: What is that very large, brownish-red spot on your carpet??
K: Ok, please don't get mad, but I spilled red paint. I'm so sorry, I know I should've been using a tray.

Me: Yes, you should have been. But I can see that you tried to clean it up, so I'll give you that.

K: Yeah, I found some brown paint that matched the carpet and blended it in!!!

Me: Wait. Are you saying you did not use water? You just painted on top of the carpet??

K: Yes, and doesn't the shade match the carpet so well?!

Me: Let's put on your new belt!

R: It's like I'm a real man now!!

R, very serious: Mommy. I've been wanting to ask you something for a long time. Will we have birthdays in Heaven?

R: I'm going to start calling you Beautiful!

Me: Ok!!!

R: Maybe you can start calling me Handsome.

Me: Ok, Handsome!

R: My name is Ryan.

Me: What did you do at school today?

R: Played a lot. Talked to God. Ate snack.

Me: You talked to God? That's cool!

R: Yeah, I've been talking to him the past few days at school. Not out loud, just in my head when I think of something to say.

K: I'm packing my purple tutu for Spring Break.

Me: Why do you need a tutu?

K, plainly: Why can't a girl carry around a tutu? Especially one that lights up?

Me: Touché.

R: I think maybe the people who are driving so fast in the snow are the same ones who tell God to go away.

R: Mommy, do you think Rusty Rivets is friends with the pups on Paw Patrol?

Me: Maybe! I bet when they have a Christmas party, ALL the characters from your cartoons get together!

R: Well... I think maybe they know about coronavirus.

R: I have an imaginary ninja friend named Zach.

Me: Did you name him after Daddy's friend Zach?

R: No.

Me: Where did that name come from?

R: His parents, of course!

R: I want to start painting and selling rocks to make money.

Me: How much will you sell them for? They probably need to be pretty inexpensive.

R: I was thinking $10 for each rock.

Me: $10 is expensive.

R: No, $10,000 is expensive. 

Me: Maybe $1?

R: Fine, I'll do $5. I want to set up a stand in the front yard. We have some wood, so maybe Daddy and Tio Jonathan can build that. The girls can sell lemonade if they want.

Annabelle: We could sell lemonade and free crafts!

R: NO, I want to earn money. My rocks aren't free.

Me: Get out of the box and come take a bath.

R: *closes box lid* I have to teleport.

Me: Since you like Muppet Babies, we should watch a movie called Muppets Take Manhattan. It's the Muppets all grown up and they sing and dance and--

R: And they take mens' hats?

Me: No, why would they do that?

R: You said the Muppets-take-man-hat-tan.

Me: Wow, it stinks in this bathroom.

R: I had a big poop. You know what we could do? *snickers* We could turn on the water for a few minutes, leave the bathroom, and then someone else would come in here and turn the water off and then THEY would have to smell it! Haha.

R, praying: Thank you God for *stops and gives me a hug and kiss* hugs and kisses from my mommy.

Me: Please tell me you'll always be this sweet.

R: Ok! No problem. Since you told me today, my brain will remember it forever.

Me: This is simple math. You love math. You have to eat five bites of carrots. You've eaten one bite. You have four more to go.

R: I don't really like math that much.

R, praying: Thank you for God, Jesus, and the plumber. Thank you for my mommy-- my beautiful mommy. Thank you for letting me like the shirt she's wearing today. Amen.

R: See that truck down there? It's for off-roading.

Me: You think so?

R: No, I know so. I know about these things, Mommy.

Dave: Look, we're all in our pajamas!

R: Those aren't your pajamas, those are your normal clothes!

Dave: We've been quarantined too long.

R: Are you done with work?

Me: Yes, why?

R: Great, I have big plans for you and me.

R: God is in everybody's hearts in the whole world, right?

Me: He wants to be! Some people don't choose him, though.

R: Why would they do that??

Me: Well, sometimes people like to choose their own way instead of God's way. But God's way is always better.

R: Ok, so if God helps us but people ignore Him anyway, how do they be brave when they're scared?? What do those people do??

They keep us laughing!

R: When God makes people, do you think it's tricky for him to put the legs on? Because when I draw people, the legs are the hardest part for me. 

R, drawing a person: ... and here's the eyes, and the nose, and the boogers inside the nose...
Me: Ew!
R: Don't worry, Mommy. I won't draw boogers inside your nose. Just inside mine and Daddy's noses.

R, randomly: So how does the food inside our bodies turn into poop, anyway?

Me: Um, it's a process... first the food travels down into our stomachs--

R: So our bodies are like a factory? Got it.

R: I sure wish I had two tongues. Then I could eat twice as much.

R: Mommy, I'm very concerned. Why can't cardboard boxes get wet?

R: I tried a vegetable today!!!

Me: What did you eat?!

R, proudly: I ate one pea!

R: You're really pretty, Mama.

Me: You're handsome!

R: You're nice!

Me: You're sweet!

R: I like your eyebrows.

R, playing soccer with me: Can we stop playing? I want you to score a goal but you're not getting any better. 

R, interrupting me while I was working: Mommy, Baylor's barking. You can't really focus.

R: I make jokes, not trouble.

R: Let's make a hovercraft-train-boat and we'll tie them all together with a pretend rope! First, we'll need to move everything off the land!

Me: Ok, just tell me what to do!

R: Well, basically, you'll just need to clean my room. I'll be back later.

K, looking at a book about music composers: Yep, I knew I would recognize Beethoven. His hair was NOT on point.

K (during virtual school): Do you like my nails??

Me: They look great. Have you finished your assignments for today?

K: Huh?

Me: SCHOOL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FRENCH TIPS.

Me: Did you get in trouble today?

R: Goodness gracious, no!

R: I'm a fan of baby girls. I'm good at making them laugh and feel better when they're sad. 

R: Boy, Katelyn's been a handful today!

Me: Why didn't you eat your carrots at lunch?

K: I did, I ate two of them. One for each eye.

R: If I was a bird, I wouldn't fly. I would just land on top of cars and ride wherever I needed to go.

R (head hanging low): Mommy, Katelyn won't play with her little brother. You know, me.

R: I have a great idea! Let me whisper it to you: wlkajfvknvda;eiasdn sdfnajf adfawjef.

Me: Wdjsijprkw difjwelr isjefr.

R: No, what I whispered to you was asking you to play hide and seek with me in Spanish!

R: Can I play with my toys before washing my hair? Don't worry, I'll tell my brain when to stop.

Me: When you're mad and feel like you might say or do something you shouldn't, you need to turn around and walk away.

R: When I make bad choices, it feels like Jesus is in a different place.

They keep us laughing!

Me: What did you have for lunch?
R: I really don't remember. I guess you'll just have to smell me.

R, while watching a cartoon: That's groovy.

R: When my pretend puppies see rabbits, they don't chase them. But when they see a mole, they chase that.

R, frustrated that Alexa wasn't playing the song he wanted: Alexa, this is not acceptable behavior.

R: I wonder if Alexa and Siri know each other?

R: I just had a brilliant plan.
Me: What's that?
R: *says nothing and brings me a 223 page book to read*

K: A bad guy cut off Baylor's tail when she was a puppy.
R: Did he go to jail?
K: No.
R: But bad guys have black and white shirts!

Me: Think about what you want for breakfast.
R: I'm not going to do that. I think about a lot of things. I don't want to think about breakfast.

D: Sorry Baylor, you don't get to eat chocolate!
R: Because it will make her get the coronavirus!

R, getting ready to play animals with K: Let's cock-a-doodle-do this!

R, randomly: Don't ask me about my hobbies.

Me: I'm going to the bathroom.
R: See ya later, sweetheart.

R: Why do you eat chips a lot?
Me: I don't, really.
R: Well that's a shame.

Me, at 4am: Did you need something?
R: I have three things to tell you: One, my hand is asleep because I laid on it too long. Two, I need a sip of lemonade. Three, I need to go to the bathroom. 
Minutes later, as I'm putting him to back to bed...
R: Also, what is our house made of? And how does our heart pump blood in our bodies?

Me: Do you want breakfast?
R: I just got here!!!

R, while dancing: I have sensible feet!

R: Let's make you a pretend pie! First, we need apples, bananas, oranges, a giraffe that's dead, and coconut.
K: You're putting giraffe meat in my pie?
R: Yes, and coconut.

R, while watching the Blue Angels flyover: But it's the coronavirus!! The planes can't be close together!!

R: Mommy, I know you're a real person, but could you be an animal please?
Me: Ok, how about a giraffe?
R: I think you should be a koala.

While Dave has been working from home, Ryan set up his own pretend desk near Dave's. Ryan will regularly put on his headphones and tell Dave, "Shhh, Daddy, I'm on a call."

After a very rough day where R had been particularly needy, I melted down before putting R to nap. 20 minutes later, he snuck out of his room, came and put his arms around me, and started singing, "You've got a friend in me..."

Ryan is Four

[This post is a bit late] Ryan is FOUR! Wow. Crazy to think that it was on Katelyn's fourth birthday when we told her I was pregnant with him!

This happy, little old man is just the sweetest thing. He loves sunshine and fluffy, "mashed potato" clouds. He LOVES birthdays and throws an all-out pretend birthday party for me at least twice a week. His first instinct is almost always to share and include everyone. The grape flavored fruit snacks? He saves those for me since they're my favorite. His drawings are precious but he's never made one just for me... the paper is always double sided with a drawing for me and a drawing for Daddy. When he and Dave go to Costco, Ryan often insists on picking out flowers for me and Katelyn, and not a day goes by when he doesn't tell us that we're "the prettiest." It's like we have our own personal mini Prince Charming... and I absolutely love it. None of us deserve his level of sweetness!

I've often thought Ryan has the gift of encouragement. When Dave was home sick with bronchitis, Ryan promptly made him a get well card-- while he himself was home sick with a stomach bug. He loves people and is always asking someone to be his best friend. Once when I picked him up from school, his class was sitting in the hallway waiting for the water fountain. He walked down the row, giving each kid a high five or a hug, telling them things like, "Have a good day!" "See ya tomorrow!" "Hey, I like your shirt!" Was he leaving preschool or running for office? Hard to tell.

I LOVE it when refers to his fingers by their status in the "Finger Family" song. For example, he might say, "I need a bandaid for my brother finger!" or "I was eating my snack and I accidentally bit my daddy finger!" It's adorable and I'll be so sad when he grows out of it.

Of course Ryan has bad days. In fact, the past few months have been especially hard as there's been a lot of change beyond anyone's control. In December, his world was knocked off its axis when his best friend, who is a few months older, promoted to the next preschool class. (And when I say best friend, I mean he and this sweet little girl have been thick as thieves since they were 18 months old. They're like an old married couple. The teachers say they've never seen anything like it.). Their separation was hard on ALL of us because Ryan just wasn't himself. FINALLY, it was Ryan's turn to move up classes and join her... and then after one glorious day together, Coronavirus hit. Thank goodness for weekly chats on FaceTime! And when his birthday party had to be indefinitely postponed AND his much anticipated soccer season was cancelled due to Coronavirus, he was disappointed but took it like a champ.

This kid's imagination... oh my goodness. He has the ability to describe exactly what he's imagining and somehow pull others into his convincing, exciting world. A regular conversation can quickly turn into riding on a speed boat, but then the boat broke down and we had to use a jet ski to go get the extra engine, but the jet ski toppled over and then we had to swim to shore, where we found an abandoned golf cart and a puppy. He's so fun!

I love this boy so much.

They Keep Us Laughing!

R: That's the last kiss I have!
Me: You're all out?
R: Yep. I better get more from Baylor and then I can kiss you again.

R, to me at my parents' house: Are you going upstairs to talk to Jerald?

Santa: What do you want for Christmas?
R: Well, my daddy already bought my presents.

R: This new juice is quite disgusting. See that picture of a grape on the box? That's what makes it disgusting.

R: I had a bad day. My friend put his boogers on me.
K: Gross! Did you put your boogers on him??
R: No. I didn't have any.

After an emotional day, K was sentenced to a relaxing bubble bath.
Me: Do you want candles for your bath?
K: What I really want are rose petals around the edge of the tub.

R: Guess what? My favorite animal is a zebra!
Me: Really? Cool!
R: Tomorrow it's going to be a fox.

Me to K: Have a good day at school! I know you can meet your goal!
R, 5 minutes later: Is Katelyn going to play soccer today?
Me: No, why?
R: Well then how will she meet her goal?

R: I wish we had a blanket that went alllll the way down the bed, and then there were balloons and they would pop.
Me: Can you explain that more?
R: The balloons would be underneath the blanket and they would pop when I laid down on them. It was a joke, Mommy.

R: Guess what?? When I was napping, I read THE WHOLE BIBLE. All of the pages! I learned a lot.

R, at Katelyn's basketball game: All these people are NOT using their inside voices.

Me: I heard you get sick in the night so I ran upstairs.
R: You ran fast to come help me?
Me: Yes!
R: Did you also say oh dear?

Me: Look at that spider web! He used all his legs to build it! Amazing!
R: Yeah. How do we get rid of it?

R: I cleaned the living room! 
Me: Well thank you!
R: With pleasure!

R: We smell Baylor's toots because she doesn't wear pants.

R: Where does the water go down the drain?
Me: Into the pipes, down into the ground.
R: Where the gnomes are?

Dave: Are you going to put me in a nice nursing home when I'm older?
R: No, I'm going to BUY it for you!

R, looking at my left hand: I like your rings! There are two on that finger. Which did you get first? The plain one or the snowflake? [meaning my wedding band or my engagement ring]

Grandmom: Are you having a good day?
R: Not yet.

R, during COVID-19 quarantine and at 8:45pm: Mama, I wore these pajamas the whole day. I should probably change into some new ones.

They keep us laughing!

Me: Do you know what your body is made of?
R: Orange juice!!
Me: Orange juice?!
R (looks down at his arms and legs): Oh. Peach juice.

R, looking at Amazon with me for a Halloween costume: I don't need these kinds of options. I need something without a mask.

After several weeks of strong willed defiance over eating dinner, Ryan was mid-meltdown when his attitude suddenly changed.
Me: What made you decide to act differently and eat your dinner?
R: God. I talked to God.

K, regarding God/prayer: He does the job, but it takes a really long time.

Me: You look handsome!
R: I don't look handsome. I look normal.

K: Who was Beethoven?
Me: A famous composer. He was deaf!
K: Oh, I thought he was a dog.

Me: Did you learn about Jesus healing a blind man?
R: Yep.
Me: Can you tell me more about it?
R: Nope. Healed a blind man. That's all.

R: Can I have a blueberry muffin?
Me: Sure, here you go.
R: Thank you. Now can you please take the blueberries out?

K: Can you print this out for me?
Me: Yes, but I need to get more paper because someone keeps taking mine out of the printer and using it for drawing.
K, genuinely clueless: That's what that paper is for? The printer? I thought that was just paper for me to have.

Doctor looking in Ryan's ears (his least favorite thing in the world): I'm looking for monkeys! And alligators! ... I didn't see any!
R, dryly: It was monster trucks.

One morning after waking up, R nervously started scrubbing his hand with a towel: Mommy... something's happening. My hand doesn't feel right. SOMETHING IS HAPPENING. 
Me: I think maybe your hand just fell asleep. That happens sometimes.
R: Is it going to wake up???

R: Thank you for cleaning up.
Me: (sigh) You're welcome.
R: I really wanted you to clean up--
Me: Mmm hmm.
R: --because you're pretty.

K, singing: Mele Kalikimaka...
R: Mele Kamiklaka...
K: You're singing it wrong. Ka-li-ki-ma-ka.
R: IT'S TRICKY!

Me: Why aren't you brushing your teeth?
K: Sorry, I'm singing a medley of Christmas songs.

R: Who is that?
Me: Tinkerbell!
R: Tinkerbell?? I don't like Tinkerbell. I like TinkerBOY.