Me: Do you know what your body is made of?
R: Orange juice!!
Me: Orange juice?!
R (looks down at his arms and legs): Oh. Peach juice.
R, looking at Amazon with me for a Halloween costume: I don't need these kinds of options. I need something without a mask.
After several weeks of strong willed defiance over eating dinner, Ryan was mid-meltdown when his attitude suddenly changed.
Me: What made you decide to act differently and eat your dinner?
R: God. I talked to God.
K, regarding God/prayer: He does the job, but it takes a really long time.
Me: You look handsome!
R: I don't look handsome. I look normal.
K: Who was Beethoven?
Me: A famous composer. He was deaf!
K: Oh, I thought he was a dog.
Me: Did you learn about Jesus healing a blind man?
R: Yep.
Me: Can you tell me more about it?
R: Nope. Healed a blind man. That's all.
R: Can I have a blueberry muffin?
Me: Sure, here you go.
R: Thank you. Now can you please take the blueberries out?
K: Can you print this out for me?
Me: Yes, but I need to get more paper because someone keeps taking mine out of the printer and using it for drawing.
K, genuinely clueless: That's what that paper is for? The printer? I thought that was just paper for me to have.
Doctor looking in Ryan's ears (his least favorite thing in the world): I'm looking for monkeys! And alligators! ... I didn't see any!
R, dryly: It was monster trucks.
One morning after waking up, R nervously started scrubbing his hand with a towel: Mommy... something's happening. My hand doesn't feel right. SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.
Me: I think maybe your hand just fell asleep. That happens sometimes.
R: Is it going to wake up???
R: Thank you for cleaning up.
Me: (sigh) You're welcome.
R: I really wanted you to clean up--
Me: Mmm hmm.
R: --because you're pretty.
K, singing: Mele Kalikimaka...
R: Mele Kamiklaka...
K: You're singing it wrong. Ka-li-ki-ma-ka.
R: IT'S TRICKY!
Me: Why aren't you brushing your teeth?
K: Sorry, I'm singing a medley of Christmas songs.
R: Who is that?
Me: Tinkerbell!
R: Tinkerbell?? I don't like Tinkerbell. I like TinkerBOY.
