They keep us laughing!

R: Can I borrow this flyswatter?
Me: Sure... why?
R: I need to make a catapult.

Me, struggling to get information about the first week of school: Who did you play with at recess?

R: I don't remember.

Me: Did you write your name?

R: No.

Me: Did they have announcements on the big screen?

R: I don't think so... but I am VERY curious...

Me: Yes??

R: If there is only one God, how can he be in so many hearts??

R: Mommy, I LOVE your ideas, but I'm afraid you don't have one this time.

R: Can you pick me up late tomorrow?

K: Maybe, why?

R: My friend said I make playing outside more fun and you know what? He's right. I DO make it more fun!

R: There are no more boogers in my nose. The factory is closed.

Me: Can you please wash the strawberry juice off your chin?

R: No thanks, I look like a man with it.

R: Our Bible story today at church was very interesting! 

Me: Why do you think that is?

R: Probably because I paid more attention today than I did last week.

R: I know this story! Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the tree and then they were arrested.

R: God loves everybody, but I think he loves monster truck drivers the most.

While playing Pictionary, R drew the word "Jeep," so I whispered to him the word.

R, eyes wide: So I just draw something about that?

Me: Just draw the word I told you.

R: Ok... [proceeds to draw a bunch of squares]

K: Is that a stack of boxes??

R: YES!

Me: How is that a Jeep??

R: Jeep? I thought you said CHEAP!! So I drew something inexpensive-- a stack of boxes.

Me: It's time to put more waters in the fridge.

R: Actually, my boss said I was fired from that job.

Me: Well, I'm really your boss and I say you're rehired.

R: Fine, but I'm going to need some money. That's how jobs work.

One morning I woke up and went into the living room, where I found R, alone, watching the news.

Me: Um, good morning...

R: It's going to be 95 degrees today and there are 100 miles of fire burning in California.

D: I'll see y'all at church. Do I look ok?

R: Oh yeah, Daddy, they'll love you!!!

R: Mommy, when you tuck me in, would you like me to tell you why I've been acting bad lately?

Me: Yes, please! I'm glad to know you have a reason.

R [sweetly has me arrange his blankets just right, then takes a deep breath]: Now, the reason I've been bad is because every time I try to talk, I get interrupted. I just get madder and madder and madder! (gently) Could you please stop doing that?

K: I don't trust clocks. I just don't.

Me: Hmm, I don't remember.

R: You mean your hippocampus forgot.

R: Going to Heaven after we die... that's just weird advice.

After being quarantined for 10 days and having way too much screen time, R saw the word "next" in a book and exclaimed, "Hey! All those letters are in Netflix!"

They keep us laughing!

Me: You sure are laughing a lot tonight!

R: I ate a clown today.

Me: What is that very large, brownish-red spot on your carpet??
K: Ok, please don't get mad, but I spilled red paint. I'm so sorry, I know I should've been using a tray.

Me: Yes, you should have been. But I can see that you tried to clean it up, so I'll give you that.

K: Yeah, I found some brown paint that matched the carpet and blended it in!!!

Me: Wait. Are you saying you did not use water? You just painted on top of the carpet??

K: Yes, and doesn't the shade match the carpet so well?!

Me: Let's put on your new belt!

R: It's like I'm a real man now!!

R, very serious: Mommy. I've been wanting to ask you something for a long time. Will we have birthdays in Heaven?

R: I'm going to start calling you Beautiful!

Me: Ok!!!

R: Maybe you can start calling me Handsome.

Me: Ok, Handsome!

R: My name is Ryan.

Me: What did you do at school today?

R: Played a lot. Talked to God. Ate snack.

Me: You talked to God? That's cool!

R: Yeah, I've been talking to him the past few days at school. Not out loud, just in my head when I think of something to say.

K: I'm packing my purple tutu for Spring Break.

Me: Why do you need a tutu?

K, plainly: Why can't a girl carry around a tutu? Especially one that lights up?

Me: Touché.

R: I think maybe the people who are driving so fast in the snow are the same ones who tell God to go away.

R: Mommy, do you think Rusty Rivets is friends with the pups on Paw Patrol?

Me: Maybe! I bet when they have a Christmas party, ALL the characters from your cartoons get together!

R: Well... I think maybe they know about coronavirus.

R: I have an imaginary ninja friend named Zach.

Me: Did you name him after Daddy's friend Zach?

R: No.

Me: Where did that name come from?

R: His parents, of course!

R: I want to start painting and selling rocks to make money.

Me: How much will you sell them for? They probably need to be pretty inexpensive.

R: I was thinking $10 for each rock.

Me: $10 is expensive.

R: No, $10,000 is expensive. 

Me: Maybe $1?

R: Fine, I'll do $5. I want to set up a stand in the front yard. We have some wood, so maybe Daddy and Tio Jonathan can build that. The girls can sell lemonade if they want.

Annabelle: We could sell lemonade and free crafts!

R: NO, I want to earn money. My rocks aren't free.

Me: Get out of the box and come take a bath.

R: *closes box lid* I have to teleport.

Me: Since you like Muppet Babies, we should watch a movie called Muppets Take Manhattan. It's the Muppets all grown up and they sing and dance and--

R: And they take mens' hats?

Me: No, why would they do that?

R: You said the Muppets-take-man-hat-tan.

Me: Wow, it stinks in this bathroom.

R: I had a big poop. You know what we could do? *snickers* We could turn on the water for a few minutes, leave the bathroom, and then someone else would come in here and turn the water off and then THEY would have to smell it! Haha.

R, praying: Thank you God for *stops and gives me a hug and kiss* hugs and kisses from my mommy.

Me: Please tell me you'll always be this sweet.

R: Ok! No problem. Since you told me today, my brain will remember it forever.

Me: This is simple math. You love math. You have to eat five bites of carrots. You've eaten one bite. You have four more to go.

R: I don't really like math that much.

R, praying: Thank you for God, Jesus, and the plumber. Thank you for my mommy-- my beautiful mommy. Thank you for letting me like the shirt she's wearing today. Amen.

R: See that truck down there? It's for off-roading.

Me: You think so?

R: No, I know so. I know about these things, Mommy.

Dave: Look, we're all in our pajamas!

R: Those aren't your pajamas, those are your normal clothes!

Dave: We've been quarantined too long.

R: Are you done with work?

Me: Yes, why?

R: Great, I have big plans for you and me.

R: God is in everybody's hearts in the whole world, right?

Me: He wants to be! Some people don't choose him, though.

R: Why would they do that??

Me: Well, sometimes people like to choose their own way instead of God's way. But God's way is always better.

R: Ok, so if God helps us but people ignore Him anyway, how do they be brave when they're scared?? What do those people do??