R: Can I borrow this flyswatter?
Me: Sure... why?
R: I need to make a catapult.
Me: Sure... why?
R: I need to make a catapult.
Me, struggling to get information about the first week of school: Who did you play with at recess?
R: I don't remember.
Me: Did you write your name?
R: No.
Me: Did they have announcements on the big screen?
R: I don't think so... but I am VERY curious...
Me: Yes??
R: If there is only one God, how can he be in so many hearts??
R: Mommy, I LOVE your ideas, but I'm afraid you don't have one this time.
R: Can you pick me up late tomorrow?
K: Maybe, why?
R: My friend said I make playing outside more fun and you know what? He's right. I DO make it more fun!
R: There are no more boogers in my nose. The factory is closed.
Me: Can you please wash the strawberry juice off your chin?
R: No thanks, I look like a man with it.
R: Our Bible story today at church was very interesting!
Me: Why do you think that is?
R: Probably because I paid more attention today than I did last week.
R: I know this story! Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the tree and then they were arrested.
R: God loves everybody, but I think he loves monster truck drivers the most.
While playing Pictionary, R drew the word "Jeep," so I whispered to him the word.
R, eyes wide: So I just draw something about that?
Me: Just draw the word I told you.
R: Ok... [proceeds to draw a bunch of squares]
K: Is that a stack of boxes??
R: YES!
Me: How is that a Jeep??
R: Jeep? I thought you said CHEAP!! So I drew something inexpensive-- a stack of boxes.
Me: It's time to put more waters in the fridge.
R: Actually, my boss said I was fired from that job.
Me: Well, I'm really your boss and I say you're rehired.
R: Fine, but I'm going to need some money. That's how jobs work.
One morning I woke up and went into the living room, where I found R, alone, watching the news.
Me: Um, good morning...
R: It's going to be 95 degrees today and there are 100 miles of fire burning in California.
D: I'll see y'all at church. Do I look ok?
R: Oh yeah, Daddy, they'll love you!!!
R: Mommy, when you tuck me in, would you like me to tell you why I've been acting bad lately?
Me: Yes, please! I'm glad to know you have a reason.
R [sweetly has me arrange his blankets just right, then takes a deep breath]: Now, the reason I've been bad is because every time I try to talk, I get interrupted. I just get madder and madder and madder! (gently) Could you please stop doing that?
K: I don't trust clocks. I just don't.
Me: Hmm, I don't remember.
R: You mean your hippocampus forgot.
R: Going to Heaven after we die... that's just weird advice.
After being quarantined for 10 days and having way too much screen time, R saw the word "next" in a book and exclaimed, "Hey! All those letters are in Netflix!"
