Me: Do you know what your body is made of?
R: Orange juice!!
Me: Orange juice?!
R (looks down at his arms and legs): Oh. Peach juice.
R, looking at Amazon with me for a Halloween costume: I don't need these kinds of options. I need something without a mask.
After several weeks of strong willed defiance over eating dinner, Ryan was mid-meltdown when his attitude suddenly changed.
Me: What made you decide to act differently and eat your dinner?
R: God. I talked to God.
K, regarding God/prayer: He does the job, but it takes a really long time.
Me: You look handsome!
R: I don't look handsome. I look normal.
K: Who was Beethoven?
Me: A famous composer. He was deaf!
K: Oh, I thought he was a dog.
Me: Did you learn about Jesus healing a blind man?
R: Yep.
Me: Can you tell me more about it?
R: Nope. Healed a blind man. That's all.
R: Can I have a blueberry muffin?
Me: Sure, here you go.
R: Thank you. Now can you please take the blueberries out?
K: Can you print this out for me?
Me: Yes, but I need to get more paper because someone keeps taking mine out of the printer and using it for drawing.
K, genuinely clueless: That's what that paper is for? The printer? I thought that was just paper for me to have.
Doctor looking in Ryan's ears (his least favorite thing in the world): I'm looking for monkeys! And alligators! ... I didn't see any!
R, dryly: It was monster trucks.
One morning after waking up, R nervously started scrubbing his hand with a towel: Mommy... something's happening. My hand doesn't feel right. SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.
Me: I think maybe your hand just fell asleep. That happens sometimes.
R: Is it going to wake up???
R: Thank you for cleaning up.
Me: (sigh) You're welcome.
R: I really wanted you to clean up--
Me: Mmm hmm.
R: --because you're pretty.
K, singing: Mele Kalikimaka...
R: Mele Kamiklaka...
K: You're singing it wrong. Ka-li-ki-ma-ka.
R: IT'S TRICKY!
Me: Why aren't you brushing your teeth?
K: Sorry, I'm singing a medley of Christmas songs.
R: Who is that?
Me: Tinkerbell!
R: Tinkerbell?? I don't like Tinkerbell. I like TinkerBOY.
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
Friday, August 2, 2019
They keep us laughing!
Me: I have to go to Starbucks and you get to come with me. You can get a special snack-- maybe a muffin or a cake pop or some banana bread. Do you know what kind of treat you might like?
R: Do they have bacon?
R: I need to go potty.
Me: Ok, so go potty.
R: But this is a two person job.
Me: Come here, Pumpkin.
R: Why do you call me Pumpkin? You could just call me Minion.
R: Daddy, do you know what I said??
Dave: What?
R: I SAID A-BOOM-CHICKA-BOOM!
R: I'm full.
Me: No, you barely at your dinner.
R: But I already ate breakfast, lunch, and snack today. Why do I need to eat dinner??
K: Annabelle let me use some of her perfume, so now my feet smell good.
R: Will you sing me a bedtime song?
Me: Ok, which song?
R: The Jeopardy song.
R: I'm allergic to vegetables.
Me: Really? All of them?
R (sadly): Well... yeah.
R: I don't want to eat my carrots. Carrots are allergic to me.
Me: Let's go!
R: Ok, darlin.
R: I'm going to teach you how to skate! You just put your feet in them and then SKATE!
Dave: Is that how you do it?
R: Yes! See, that's how you skate!
Dave: I can't wait to teach you how to play baseball.
R: ... All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. They were not doctors?
K: Why can't Baylor have puppies?
Me: We had her fixed a long time ago. There's a lot involved in having puppies.
K: All we need is a basket, a towel, ANOTHER towel, and a dog.
Me: I told you to read. Why aren't you reading?
K: I decided to do something educational instead.
Me: ...
K: I'm playing and using my brain that way.
Katelyn announced she would be putting on a fashion show for us, so Ryan dutifully sat in his assigned seat, cheered and clapped when she told him to, etc.
Finally, he asked: So when does the movie start?
Me: Ohhhh... this isn't a show like a movie. This is kind of like a performance for us to watch. (best brother ever!)
R: Daddy, I know that you're my best friend, but right now I just want Mommy to hold me.
R, praying very slowly: Thank you God for brown. Blue. Green. Black--
Me: So thank you God for colors?
R: Yes. Brown, green, pink, purple, red--
Me: All the colors?
R: Yes. Brown, blue, grey, orange-- is that too much?
Me: Well, it's ok to say them all, but it might be easier to just say 'colors.'
R: No thanks. Brown, blue, yellow, pink, green...
R: Do they have bacon?
R: I need to go potty.
Me: Ok, so go potty.
R: But this is a two person job.
Me: Come here, Pumpkin.
R: Why do you call me Pumpkin? You could just call me Minion.
R: Daddy, do you know what I said??
Dave: What?
R: I SAID A-BOOM-CHICKA-BOOM!
R: I'm full.
Me: No, you barely at your dinner.
R: But I already ate breakfast, lunch, and snack today. Why do I need to eat dinner??
K: Annabelle let me use some of her perfume, so now my feet smell good.
R: Will you sing me a bedtime song?
Me: Ok, which song?
R: The Jeopardy song.
R: I'm allergic to vegetables.
Me: Really? All of them?
R (sadly): Well... yeah.
R: I don't want to eat my carrots. Carrots are allergic to me.
Me: Let's go!
R: Ok, darlin.
R: I'm going to teach you how to skate! You just put your feet in them and then SKATE!
Dave: Is that how you do it?
R: Yes! See, that's how you skate!
Dave: I can't wait to teach you how to play baseball.
R: ... All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. They were not doctors?
K: Why can't Baylor have puppies?
Me: We had her fixed a long time ago. There's a lot involved in having puppies.
K: All we need is a basket, a towel, ANOTHER towel, and a dog.
Me: I told you to read. Why aren't you reading?
K: I decided to do something educational instead.
Me: ...
K: I'm playing and using my brain that way.
Katelyn announced she would be putting on a fashion show for us, so Ryan dutifully sat in his assigned seat, cheered and clapped when she told him to, etc.
Finally, he asked: So when does the movie start?
Me: Ohhhh... this isn't a show like a movie. This is kind of like a performance for us to watch. (best brother ever!)
R: Daddy, I know that you're my best friend, but right now I just want Mommy to hold me.
R, praying very slowly: Thank you God for brown. Blue. Green. Black--
Me: So thank you God for colors?
R: Yes. Brown, green, pink, purple, red--
Me: All the colors?
R: Yes. Brown, blue, grey, orange-- is that too much?
Me: Well, it's ok to say them all, but it might be easier to just say 'colors.'
R: No thanks. Brown, blue, yellow, pink, green...
Saturday, June 1, 2019
They keep us laughing!
R: *sneezes* Bless you, myself.
K: Sometimes Ryan calls "spaghetti" "psaghetti."
R, in a very sophisticated voice: Yes, but sometimes I call it pasta.
R, upset: My jeans have a hole in them!!
K: What?! I wish my jeans had holes! How come he gets pants with rips and I don't??
Me: For teacher appreciation week, I got your teachers a nice candle, sticky notepads, and a snack.
K: Ok, but can we also get medium-sized glass jars? I'd like to spray paint them pink and blue, one for each teacher. When they're dry, we'll coat them in Mod-Podge and then cover them in glitter. When they're done we'll fill the jar with Dum-Dums.
While at the store, Katelyn was stopping to look at everything she saw...
R: Katelyn, focus!
Me: You are driving me nuts.
K, delightfully: Figurative language!!!
K: Do you have some sort of basket?
Me: For what?
K: I need somewhere to put my books.
Me: How about the built-in bookshelf in your closet?
K: Well, I feel like a basket is more creative. It's more "me."
Me: Go get your shoes and socks.
R, very seriously: Two socks?
Me: Yes, one for each foot.
R: Ok... FOCUS. (walks purposefully to get his socks)
Me, weary of trying to explain Daylight Savings Time: If the sun wants to stay out longer, it can do that.
R: BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE EYES OR A NOSE OR A MOUTH!
Me: Sorry, the tooth fairy forgot to come last night. Do you want me to come tonight instead?
K: Yes! (whispers excitedly) Wear wings!
Me: Sharpie markers do not easily wash off! I need you to tell me that you won't color on your legs with them again.
K: (long pause) Ok, I won't do it again... but I think we both know the answer to that.
Me: You are in trouble!!
R, suddenly looking panicked: But can I still be happy??
Me: How did you get your thumb out of the thumb guard?!? (for thumb sucking)
R: (long pause) I don't have any words.
Me: I'm going to start reading a new book on Leonardo da Vinci.
K, literally dropping what she was doing: I'M IN.
R: I need to poop a lot. It's going to be a party in there!
K: I really don't want to have a boy someday. Just girls.
Me: Boys aren't so bad! And they can be really sweet to their mamas.
K: Well, I guess it's ok if I have a boy. I just want him to put on deodorant every day.
Dave: Hey, let's see if you can be still for two minutes! (sets timer)
With 30 seconds remaining, Ryan was trying his best but still fidgety and clearly uncomfortable.
R, solemnly: Daddy, I don't like this game. I don't want to play this game again.
R: Who will will Jeopardy?
Me: I don't know, they're still playing.
R: Maybe James.
K: Sometimes Ryan calls "spaghetti" "psaghetti."
R, in a very sophisticated voice: Yes, but sometimes I call it pasta.
R, upset: My jeans have a hole in them!!
K: What?! I wish my jeans had holes! How come he gets pants with rips and I don't??
Me: For teacher appreciation week, I got your teachers a nice candle, sticky notepads, and a snack.
K: Ok, but can we also get medium-sized glass jars? I'd like to spray paint them pink and blue, one for each teacher. When they're dry, we'll coat them in Mod-Podge and then cover them in glitter. When they're done we'll fill the jar with Dum-Dums.
While at the store, Katelyn was stopping to look at everything she saw...
R: Katelyn, focus!
Me: You are driving me nuts.
K, delightfully: Figurative language!!!
K: Do you have some sort of basket?
Me: For what?
K: I need somewhere to put my books.
Me: How about the built-in bookshelf in your closet?
K: Well, I feel like a basket is more creative. It's more "me."
Me: Go get your shoes and socks.
R, very seriously: Two socks?
Me: Yes, one for each foot.
R: Ok... FOCUS. (walks purposefully to get his socks)
Me, weary of trying to explain Daylight Savings Time: If the sun wants to stay out longer, it can do that.
R: BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE EYES OR A NOSE OR A MOUTH!
Me: Sorry, the tooth fairy forgot to come last night. Do you want me to come tonight instead?
K: Yes! (whispers excitedly) Wear wings!
Me: Sharpie markers do not easily wash off! I need you to tell me that you won't color on your legs with them again.
K: (long pause) Ok, I won't do it again... but I think we both know the answer to that.
Me: You are in trouble!!
R, suddenly looking panicked: But can I still be happy??
Me: How did you get your thumb out of the thumb guard?!? (for thumb sucking)
R: (long pause) I don't have any words.
Me: I'm going to start reading a new book on Leonardo da Vinci.
K, literally dropping what she was doing: I'M IN.
R: I need to poop a lot. It's going to be a party in there!
K: I really don't want to have a boy someday. Just girls.
Me: Boys aren't so bad! And they can be really sweet to their mamas.
K: Well, I guess it's ok if I have a boy. I just want him to put on deodorant every day.
Dave: Hey, let's see if you can be still for two minutes! (sets timer)
With 30 seconds remaining, Ryan was trying his best but still fidgety and clearly uncomfortable.
R, solemnly: Daddy, I don't like this game. I don't want to play this game again.
R: Who will will Jeopardy?
Me: I don't know, they're still playing.
R: Maybe James.
Saturday, March 9, 2019
Happy birthday, Buddy
Ryan loves to party. He really, really loves birthdays and celebrating and everything that goes with it. Starting in January, he woke up every morning and asked, "Is today my birthday party?" The weird thing is that he hasn't been to a lot of parties in his three short years, but that didn't stop him from planning his own birthday party starting back in OCTOBER-- five months before his 3rd birthday. He had very specific, ever-changing plans and I found myself conflicted between making his little dreams come true, nervous that I wouldn't execute things to his liking, and remembering that I'm the parent and he doesn't call the shots on what I envisioned to be a casual party with family and a few friends at the park.
Party hats? Very important. Balloons? Also important. The theme? He started with Mickey but then switched to Paw Patrol, Blaze, monster trucks, Blaze again, and then backhoes (What are backhoes?). I genuinely offered to combine everything he loves: Mickey napkins, Paw Patrol plates, bulldozer balloons, etc., but he just laughed and said I was silly. I finally just took him to Party City and told him that whatever he picked was what we were going with, no backsies. Blaze it is!
Oddly, when I asked what kind of cupcakes he wanted, he simply said, "Regular ones."
Whatever, dude. You're a grown man trapped in a three year old's body and I don't know how to help you.
He asked that Katelyn and I wake him up on his birthday by singing Happy Birthday while wearing party hats. We gladly obliged, but I think he quickly regretted his decision. Apparently it was too early for song because he growled and quickly asked us to stop singing. Once he woke up a little, he was absolutely thrilled that it was finally his birthday and had a great day.
So happy birthday to the sweetest little man I know-- the one whose smile lights up a room and the lives of those around him. He is consistent, responsible, charming, ever the encourager, and--on most days--a true delight. He will lay in his bed for 30 minutes early on Saturday mornings and just sing... never fussing to get up, just happily singing.
He is so easy to love.
And may he always want to celebrate, because there is so much in life worth celebrating.
Party hats? Very important. Balloons? Also important. The theme? He started with Mickey but then switched to Paw Patrol, Blaze, monster trucks, Blaze again, and then backhoes (What are backhoes?). I genuinely offered to combine everything he loves: Mickey napkins, Paw Patrol plates, bulldozer balloons, etc., but he just laughed and said I was silly. I finally just took him to Party City and told him that whatever he picked was what we were going with, no backsies. Blaze it is!
Oddly, when I asked what kind of cupcakes he wanted, he simply said, "Regular ones."
Whatever, dude. You're a grown man trapped in a three year old's body and I don't know how to help you.
He asked that Katelyn and I wake him up on his birthday by singing Happy Birthday while wearing party hats. We gladly obliged, but I think he quickly regretted his decision. Apparently it was too early for song because he growled and quickly asked us to stop singing. Once he woke up a little, he was absolutely thrilled that it was finally his birthday and had a great day.
So happy birthday to the sweetest little man I know-- the one whose smile lights up a room and the lives of those around him. He is consistent, responsible, charming, ever the encourager, and--on most days--a true delight. He will lay in his bed for 30 minutes early on Saturday mornings and just sing... never fussing to get up, just happily singing.
He is so easy to love.
And may he always want to celebrate, because there is so much in life worth celebrating.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
They keep us laughing!
R, in the car: I want to listen to the football game.
Me: Sorry, I don't know where to find that on the radio. You'll have to listen when Daddy's in the car.
R: *sigh* Yeah, you're not Daddy.
R, pretending: I'm going to Costco.
Me: What are you going to get?
R: Um, baby Jesus.
K: Holy cow!
R: What?! Where's a holy cow? I don't see it!
K: Let's play Christmas music!
Me: Alexa isn't working because the internet is down.
K: I won't use Alexa! I'll use an old fashioned CD!
K, whispering under her breath: I don't like following directions. They make me feel less creative.
Me: Preach.
Me: Are you disobeying me?
R: Not yet.
Me: You took a bath two hours ago and your hair is wet again. What's in your hair?
K: Nothing.
Me: What's in your hair??
K: Water.
Me: AND?
K: LipstickbutIcanwashitout.
R: I can't get this play dough out!!
K, plainly and without offering to help: Just believe in yourself.
Me, during lunch: Is that macaroni and cheese in your shirt pocket?
R: Yes! (then takes it out and eats it)
After several lazy days (weeks?) without wearing makeup over Christmas break, I got dressed up for date night.
R: Hey, I like your eyes! Where'd those come from?
K: What can make you stop crying right now?
R: Jesus.
As I was helping R into his Paw Patrol costume:
R: Left foot first! (and then proceeds to put in his left foot)
Me: That IS your left foot, good job! Do you actually know your left and right?
R: Yes!
Me: Oh really? Which way is left?
R: This way. (shifts his entire body left)
Me: Correct! Wow, how did you know that??
R: The Cupid Shuffle.
K: Deep, deep down there is Satan. He makes us make bad choices and be scared! We don't want to go there, deep, deep down into the fire!
R: Fireman put out the fire!
K: No, there's no fireman down there!! You want to go waaaay up there! To Heaven!
R: My fire truck has a ladder!
K: We're not talking about that. You want to go to Heaven. And you know how we get there? We ask Jesus into our hearts. And you know what else? God and Jesus are right by your side and will never leave you.
Me: Sorry, I don't know where to find that on the radio. You'll have to listen when Daddy's in the car.
R: *sigh* Yeah, you're not Daddy.
R, pretending: I'm going to Costco.
Me: What are you going to get?
R: Um, baby Jesus.
K: Holy cow!
R: What?! Where's a holy cow? I don't see it!
K: Let's play Christmas music!
Me: Alexa isn't working because the internet is down.
K: I won't use Alexa! I'll use an old fashioned CD!
K, whispering under her breath: I don't like following directions. They make me feel less creative.
Me: Preach.
Me: Are you disobeying me?
R: Not yet.
Me: You took a bath two hours ago and your hair is wet again. What's in your hair?
K: Nothing.
Me: What's in your hair??
K: Water.
Me: AND?
K: LipstickbutIcanwashitout.
R: I can't get this play dough out!!
K, plainly and without offering to help: Just believe in yourself.
Me, during lunch: Is that macaroni and cheese in your shirt pocket?
R: Yes! (then takes it out and eats it)
After several lazy days (weeks?) without wearing makeup over Christmas break, I got dressed up for date night.
R: Hey, I like your eyes! Where'd those come from?
K: What can make you stop crying right now?
R: Jesus.
As I was helping R into his Paw Patrol costume:
R: Left foot first! (and then proceeds to put in his left foot)
Me: That IS your left foot, good job! Do you actually know your left and right?
R: Yes!
Me: Oh really? Which way is left?
R: This way. (shifts his entire body left)
Me: Correct! Wow, how did you know that??
R: The Cupid Shuffle.
K: Deep, deep down there is Satan. He makes us make bad choices and be scared! We don't want to go there, deep, deep down into the fire!
R: Fireman put out the fire!
K: No, there's no fireman down there!! You want to go waaaay up there! To Heaven!
R: My fire truck has a ladder!
K: We're not talking about that. You want to go to Heaven. And you know how we get there? We ask Jesus into our hearts. And you know what else? God and Jesus are right by your side and will never leave you.
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